I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
