Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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