the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
