Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Randomize
