Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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