Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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