Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
