first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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