Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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