well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
