I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
