I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
