Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
