I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
