those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Say something about gay babies.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
