The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
