Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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