Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
