tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
