Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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