So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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