a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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