"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
