My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
