The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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