You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
