God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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