I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
