I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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