he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
