...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
