Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
