I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
