i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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