I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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