Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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