I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i already hear my dad disowning me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
