i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
