A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
