i don't like sucking hair
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
