My friends, they love my intelligence
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
