I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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