Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
