You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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