Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
