i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
