next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
