I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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