I cockslap morals
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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