Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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