the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
