my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
