Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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