he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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