it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
