Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
