why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
