I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
