Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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