Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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