The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
