Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
