I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize