Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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