I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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