Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
