if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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