she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize