I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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