You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
