i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
