I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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