I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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