She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
