he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
