He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
