she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
