now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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