I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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