I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my shit smells like andre
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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