D3 body, D1 cock
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My balls are so social today.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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